Paris Hilton Set To Ruin Dog Ownership For Everyone

Possibly one of my favourite dog owners, Paris Hilton, is to front a tv show where she judges and picks America’s cutest dogs or “pooches”.

The model dog owner, who has shown us all how to be caring and compassionate towards our pets, especially when she ‘misplaced’ her dog, will be judging entrants based on criteria that is entirely fair to dogs and doesn’t commoditise them in any way. Namely, how ridiculous the name given to the dog is, how many accesories the owner has forced the dog to wear, and to what degree the owner is trying to make up for their own lack of flair and glamour by forcing the dog, who has no choice, to wear cute sloganeered t-shirts.

Personally, I can’t wait for Paris to demonstrate to all of us what dog ownership really is about. We have foolishly been labouring under the misaprehension that owning a dog is about companionship, freindship, loyalty and fun. But Paris will prove that the really important things about owning a dog are, how many times that dog can get you photographed or ‘papped’ for a tabloid, how small a handbag that dog can fit into and most importantly, how quickly you can palm the dog off on to a friend or relative when you realise owning a dog is a commitment and may on occasion, prevent you from turning up to a red carpet event.

Everybody should be grateful for the publicity Paris brings to dog ownership. For years we have struggled along, enjoying our lives with our dogs in private, sharing fun walks, games, even food, without one ounce of spin, coverage or attention. Thanks to Paris, the world will now be given a window into the lives of the most shallow, most superficial dog owners - and this is what they consider to be good TV nowadays?

Well done Paris, and thank you.

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