Dog fighting douchebag Michael Vick has got a new home. The Philadelphia Eagles have confirmed the signing of sicko-Vicko on a two-year deal. Way to go Eagles! Why stop there though? Rewarding Vick should be only your first move, let’s have a look at who else you can draft in order to increase your brand value around the world….

OJ Simpson may be in jail but I’m pretty sure you can find a role for him as a consultant somewhere in your set up.

Looking for a new coach? Why not use Charles Manson? You could easily make a leap to justify your move by saying something like:

“Charlie is a world class motivator. It’s like, when he talks people listen. You know. Sure, he’s had one or two difficult situations in his personal life but we believe he brings some unique qualities to the team. Far as we’re concerned, it wasn’t  him who did the killing so the blood is not really on his hands. Like Michael, really, he just happened to be in the same place as those dogs, it was them who did the fighting. Michael was just unlucky and a bit down on his luck financially.”

Need a new President of PR and Marketing? Just the man, Osama Bin Laden. This boy is seriously good at marketing. He’s created a whole international brand while living in a cave! You could really use some quality marketing and branding advice at the moment and he’s probably going to fit the public image nicely.

The Eagles wide receiver DeSean Jackson gave the signing of Vick his seal of approval and told the team’s official website www.philadelphiaeagles.com: “He’s a great player. He has a lot to prove to everybody. We’ve got some things on that offence now. We’re just going to support him and hopefully he can come into our team and make some things happen.

“It’s an unfortunate situation that he’s been through, but he has a chance to make it right. We just have to stay close with each other and keep it in house. We have to look at it in a positive perspective. We’re going to accept him and hopefully, everything is smooth. Things happen in this world, and it’s not to say that it’s right or wrong, things happen. He has a real opportunity to prove himself.”

Yes, he has got some things to prove. For sure. What would they be? Like, trying to avoid slaughtering dogs after making money on their torture? He’s got that to prove.

“It’s an unfortunate situation he’s been through.”

Hmm. Pop quiz. Take your time on this one. Which of the following looks like it’s been through the most ‘unfortunate situation’…..

Smooth move Eagles. That YOU were the team to hire this sicko will forever stain your legacy, both now and in the future. Nice going.

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